Did She Suffer
by ellyrocks99
Summary: Alternative version of Loki's post-breakdown scene from Thor 2. Lokane


**A/N: Based on gif prompt at the AU Wishlist on the pay-her-a-visit tumblr**

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Loki stared at the wall of his cell. His brain was numb. He couldn't move a muscle. He had been through so many emotions, run the gauntlet of every facet he could imagine and now he sat on the floor of his cell, his back against the wall. He was broken. He felt nothing but the emptiness that seemed to fill his whole body from his core right to his edges.

He knew that he had been empty in the past, but it hadn't felt like this. His parent's betrayal, discovering that he was a Frost Giant and that he had been a pawn for his false-Father's plans. These had left him angry and hurt in ways he could never have imagined. And the emptiness that he had felt after discovering that he had no real family, no one who was completely on his side, he had used this to his advantage. He had fed the anger and fought against those who had hurt him. Yes, he had lost but he didn't regret a single moment of his attempt to conquer Midgard. It had been a thing of joy and wonderful adrenaline to pump all his energies and efforts into the attempt, and although losing hadn't been the plan it wasn't the end of the game. He was the God of Mischief and he had plenty more energy and anger to spend making Asgard's King and Prince wish that they had treated him more honourably.

All of this had been true and in some ways still was true. His character hadn't changed, but then… Jane. So unexpected and unlikely. The Silvertongue and Scientist. The woman who had captured Thor's heart had sought him out, trying to understand him, and in doing so she had been the undoing of them all. She had pursued him, originally with the intention of reconciling him with Thor but eventually his walls had broken down and they had sought each other out for intellectual stimulus, for enjoyment of each other's company. They sometimes 'drove each other up the wall,' as Jane put it, but still sought each other out soon after as if it were some addiction and they couldn't stay away.

Soon Thor had noticed and Loki expected her to retreat, but instead she chose him. Chose him! She said it wasn't that she loved him more than Thor, but rather that she was so different to Thor and they didn't want the same things. And how she felt about Loki, well, she couldn't imagine life without him and she didn't want to. It was declaration enough for Loki and things moved swiftly. They were cautious around the palace and tried their best to be sensitive of Thor, but when they were alone he felt as if he was on fire.

They were so similar, too similar sometimes, but she had an edge, a moral compass that he didn't possess or he had stopped listening to, and she made him listen. She calmed him and she made sure that they were both honest with each other. It had been a time of exhilaration, love, laughter, learning, and some hurt as he started to accept that he couldn't carry the hurt from his 'family' forever.

But then it had all changed. Suddenly, Thanos had raised his armies and attacked all worlds from all sides. It was a blinding attack and with only one aim – death to all that stood in his way. The Asgardians, Loki included, had fought in Asgard while the Avengers had fought on Midgard. Jane had stayed on Asgard after Loki had implored her to. She had wanted to return to Midgard, to be with her friends and fight alongside them but he knew that he couldn't protect her there so he used every trick he could think of to keep her close to him, to keep her on Asgard.

She had acquiesced and he had hidden her out of sight in the palace, giving her some of his magic to defend herself and also a good dagger which she had been trained to use. It wasn't perfect but it was the best he could do. She wasn't Asgardian – they hadn't been together long enough for that and Loki wasn't sure that Odin would have allowed it anyway – so her mortal body was far more frail than that of an Asgardian. He was terrified of losing her and wished that he had known what was coming so that he could have begged Odin to make her immortal, even if the cost was his own life.

The battle was long and hard and covered the whole of Asgard. Thanos had done his research well and sent troops into every perceived weak area of the world. Odin and his advisors (including Thor and Loki) had done well to guard these areas but there just weren't enough men to cover the numbers of the enemy. Thanos was too strong.

But then there was a change, the enemy were retreating and they were winning! Elation went through the Asgardians as their energies grew once more and they pushed the intruders back. Before long they were all dead or had run and Asgard was quiet once more, only this time the silence was filled with the absence of those who had died fighting.

The damage was overwhelming. So many dead on both sides meant so many bodies to identify and move. Those left alive were exhausted but used what energy they had left to look for their friends and identify those who hadn't made it. Bodies were moved and prayers said. There would be many more in Valhalla today.

When Loki eventually made it back to the palace he was shocked. Many of the walls had been damaged and there had clearly been a strong attack against it. He panicked and ran through the corridors, running as fast as he could to find Jane, to make sure that she was alright.

But she wasn't alright. She wasn't ok. She wasn't waiting for him with shining eyes to tell him that they had won; to congratulate him or to hold him in her arms.

When he saw her lifeless body he would have given his life for hers in that moment and every moment since. Without her by his side he was empty and he was hollow. She had been his life.

His anger had exploded unchecked and he had unleashed his magic on the room, unable to control its effect on the walls and the people. Many were hurt and only Odin's appearance, using his powerful magic had stopped the walls from falling in on them all. Loki had been difficult to subdue, he couldn't breathe with tears filling his soul, and his anger was overwhelming him. Odin had eventually used a spell to render him unconscious and he woke in a cell, not because he was a criminal but because there was nowhere else to put him where he couldn't hurt anyone with his uncontrollable magic.

He didn't care. He destroyed his cell as much as he could, injuring himself in the process but it meant nothing to him. Odin had declared that he would stay in here for the foreseeable future until such time that he was deemed safe.

Odin had also banned all Asgardians from leaving the world while they sorted through the bodies and damage. Knowing this, he wasn't surprised that Thor was still there when he finally quieted, exhausted with his hurt and rage. Thor had visited him many times since he had been in here but until now Loki hadn't acknowledged him.

Loki could barely speak, but he managed one sentence.

'Did she suffer?'

The question almost broke him. To know that Jane had died without him there to hold her. She had died alone and now he was alone.

Thor looked a broken man. He had lost many friends in the battle, but Jane's death had been the worst. He had loved her too, but he had loved her more as the women who loved Loki and had played a part in bringing him back into the family fold. He couldn't answer Loki's question as he hadn't been there when Jane died. As he looked at Loki he made a decision and his face hardened. Thor couldn't go against Odin's decree that Loki should stay in his cell and he didn't want to. Also, he was sure that Loki would never come back here once he was out.

'I know you seek vengeance as much as I do. You help me escape Asgard and I will grant it to you; vengeance. And afterward, this cell.'

If there was one way that Loki could use his anger, his hurt, his rage, then it would be against Thanos, to gain revenge for Jane's death. He raised his head and looked straight at Thor.

'When do we start?'

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 **A/N: Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think x**


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